London Whirlwind

So, now that we had started to learn some German it was time to visit an English speaking country. CF's good friend and former coworker, Mr. PB, was in London for two weeks and we had decided to go see him for the weekend in the middle. We booked plane tickets for Saturday morning and Sunday evening. That's right, an overnight trip to one of the most famous cities in the world, and I had never been there before.

It was my first experience flying out of Zürich airport, last year we left on the train. And the public transportation here had another chance to shine in my eyes. It was 2 or 3 minutes on the tram down to HB, trains to the airport run about every 10 to 15 minutes, and the ride to the airport is only about 10 minutes. We're talking come up the stairs and you're in the airport and ready to go through security. It's so sweet. Our arrival in London was not. We flew with EasyJet, and that meant landing way out at Luton airport. We had to fill out landing cards, one per household. I noted our visit was a whopping one day. "What can you do with one day then?" we were asked at passport control. I was wondering the very same thing. "Just a little weekend getaway, come to spend your money?" CF joked with him that their economy was doing about as well as ours. "We'll all go down together!" we were assured. I had consulted with JLF on the best way to get into the city center, but even if the express train hadn't been delayed it still would have taken a while. We arrived in Central London with just over 24 hours to explore.

The first order of business? A stop at Leicester Square and a visit to something rather familiar, the TKTS booth. I couldn't let my only night here go by without seeing a show, the boys would be happier without me tagging along anyway. Unfortunately the timing wasn't so good, the shows I'd wanted to see had closed, or were closed as they moved from the equivalent of "Off-Broadway" to the West End. I considered seeing a "classic," I haven't seen Les Miz or Phantom in years, it would be interesting to see them where they started. I thought about taking the opportunity to finally see Michael Ball perform, I used to think he was so dreamy and wore out my Aspects of Love soundtrack on cassette tape listening to him. Then I realized I'd just cry the whole time because he's playing Edna, the mother, in Hairspray, I couldn't bring myself to it. I was having a hard time deciding, I've seen many of the shows playing, I'm so spoiled/lucky. In my pre-trip research I somehow started reading about a brand new show, one with classically trained Flamenco dancers (Love!), sword fighting (Have I mentioned I am a huge sucker for swashbucklers?), and music by the Gipsy Kings (Really? Cool!). And even though I knew I'd be embarrassed every time I had to tell someone what I had chosen to see, I ended up buying a ticket for Zorro, the Musical. Go ahead and laugh, it's all right, I'll wait.

So after collecting a half-price day-of ticket I was feeling right at home in this city and we proceeded to our hotel. We were staying on a great street, just far enough away from the noise and chaos of Picadilly Circus. PDP stays here on business trips so we had a good recommendation, and I liked knowing we'd be so central since it was just one night! We got checked in, freshened up a bit, and we were finally ready to go track down PB for lunch. Poor guy had been waiting and waiting while we wasted the day away in transit. He informed us we were benefiting from some unusually nice weather and it was true, this was not the dark, gray London I had expected. The sun was shining, the people were speaking English and I had a ticket to the theater in my purse. Lovely! I had a nice lunch with them but then excused myself to go explore a bit.

I often say that everything I know about geography I learned from musicals. This is especially true of London. Most of the places I hoped to see were in song lyrics from one source or another. It's a quick mention but Harrods does come up in a song from Evita, a song which gets stuck in my head every time I hear something about that store. My interest was piqued, I took the Underground there. I found "the tube" to be muggy and slightly claustrophobic, but the goober in me was sold once the little voice said, "Mind the gap!" at one of the stops. Hee!

Harrods was overwhelming and mesmerizing. I wandered through the fancy clothes (I have to say, on my short visit I saw a number of men dressed in a way that can only be described as "dapper," loved it) and designer gowns a bit. I found the Aveda counter (I had learned in Dublin that they sell it at department stores in the UK) and considered buying a body spray I was regretting not purchasing before but then I realized it was more than 3 ounces so it wasn't coming home with me on the plane. I got a bit lost trying to find my way to the famous food halls and ended up in the basement looking at their branded merchandise. I bought myself a little makeup bag with a peacock feather pattern and the store logo centered on the front. The clerk who rung me up sure seemed to be sincere in all the nice things he said, and then he asked if I needed directions to my next department. At least they know how confusing their store is! I lied and told him I was fine, I'm so stubborn, I know. But I quickly found the food halls anyway, and enjoyed wandering there for a while. I did a double-take when I walked past the Galler Belgian chocolate counter, this was where I got Ms. LT the famous cognac filled dark chocolate bar in Brugges, the one that she tried to send me back for! The night before we left for London I had the funny feeling there was something I had hoped to purchase at this store and it was killing me that I couldn't figure out what it was. Mystery solved! I had looked up the chocolate brand a year ago when my beloved trainer had teased me about needing more. I was finally able to meet her demands! And I didn't even have to spend my own money, she was smart enough to send me off with a envelope full of euros she had from spending time with her family in Lucca (Italy), marked "Chocolate Fund." I hadn't expected to convert those to Great Britain pounds for her, and I also hadn't expect to be able to come home at Thanksgiving with exactly what she was hoping for. Very cool. My third and final purchase at Harrods was something that Ms. ShoppingsMyCardio had sent me after. She is a former London resident and happened to know that they had opened a Ladureé in the food halls, this is the most famous maker of macarons in Paris, and most likely the world. She had passed along some great advice on her old city and had requested I eat a salted caramel macaron in her honor. I did better than that, I had 4! The only thing I could see that I didn't like at Harrods was Krispy Kreme donuts, yes, they let them into the food halls too! And even worse, they appear to be doing good business, with people carrying large boxes of dozens away even as the business all but completely dies off in the US.

I wandered the neighborhood a little bit and then caught the tube back towards the hotel. Another tip from SMC was stocking up at Boots Pharmacy, and I was craving some skin care products! I don't quite know what's going on with my skin here but I know it's not happy. However I remembered that I was still limited in what I could get back to Zürich on the plane, stupid liquids limit! I got a few things and decided to get changed, since I had bothered to bring a nice shirt to wear to the theater. I checked in with CF via text message, they were drinking beers in a pub somewhere and having a fine time. And with that it was time to hurry over to the West End. The day was going too quickly!

My seat, as so many great TKTS seats have been before it, was up close and way off to the side. Not the best seat in the house, but quite an experience. The show was very good, a bit silly at times, but the dancing and music was seriously amazing. The swashbuckling was great too but it scared me to pieces, I was so incredibly close up I feared I'd end up a part of the action if Zorro ever lost hold of his sword. I saw sparks from metal hitting metal, it was crazy! At two different times and from two different directions Zorro swings in over the audience, and landed about three feet from where I was sitting. I ducked and was sure I was about to be kicked in the head both times. The fun part was eye contact from the flirty male dancers... some things never change. I know it was an odd choice but I thought it was fun to see something that will probably never transfer across the pond to Broadway. The show is getting great reviews and the cast is extremely talented. Given the lack of English language theater available in Zürich, I really revelled in this night. After the show I sent a text message to CF to see where he was and what was the plan. I waited for a reply and got one: he said they were almost done and just to meet him at the hotel. As I standing around communicating via iPhone I noticed members of the orchestra were departing from the stage door, and then cast members, and then, oh my god, Zorro himself. Hilarious, the actor was leaving on a motorcycle! A group of girls who were standing around wondering what to do after the show noticed him, I can't help but assume that he made sure of it. They screamed and begged for photos and autographs. I was highly amused. A crowd formed, even the drunken college students at the bar next to the theater were getting in on it, "Hey, come 'er guys! It's Zorro!" they called out. Eventually, when I'm sure his ego had been quite stroked, he put on his helmet and rode away from the crowd. What a scene! He was very good in the show, I have to say. And it turns out he recently played Che in the big Evita revival, making sure Evita stayed stuck in my head for days, and he also played the lead in a revival of Aspects of Love, the role originated by none other than Michael Ball. What are the chances?

I was very hungry at this point and decided to look for some takeout. Aha! Wagamama, an Asian-fusion place we had tried in Dublin. Ms. KZ is a big, big fan as they are very British. I ordered one dish to go and walked back to the hotel. I changed into my little nightgown I had packed to save space in my backpack and switched on the telly (it's in England so that's what it's called!). Red Dwarf reruns! It was even the episode with a guest appearance by Jane Horrocks (Bubbles from AbFab)! I sat in my comfy bed eating delicious noodles with chopsticks and decided I was having the perfect evening. And then CF came home. I don't mean to imply that it wasn't as good once he was around but he was jealous of my Wagamama meal, which meant getting dressed again and bye-bye Red Dwarf. We wandered around a bit and I showed off how I had learned to navigate the neighborhood pretty darn well in a matter of hours. Big Ben looked lovely in the distance, lit up against the dark sky. However by the time we made it past Wagamama they had just closed, so CF had to settle for scoop-and-serve Chinese food. As we walked back to the hotel he asked, "Are we going the right way?" And I knew it was a day of sitting in pubs speaking but I laughed as I answered, "Ummm, we're on our street!"

We slept a bit later than I had meant to, I was hoping to skimp a bit on sleep in order to pack more into our 24 hours in London. But the bed was oh-so comfortable! So oh well. We visited the breakfast buffet and served up a little bit of eggs and bacon along with a pastry. I noticed our plates were quite skimpy compared to the hearty appetites at the tables around us! We packed up what little we had brought with us and decided that with only a few hours before we had to start our trek back to Luton we should carry our backpacks instead of having to come back for them. We headed out with about four hours to explore.

We started with a walk through Green Park, it was another beautiful day! Then we saw a crowd at Buckingham Palace. Oh great, there was a marathon crossing our path! We walked along the runners for a ways, wondered if we could wait it out, and then followed the example set by plenty of others and ran through a break in the participants. We laughed the whole way across as our backpacks were jostled around and I hung onto my camera. Just what I'm sure those poor runners needed, American tourists tripping and falling in their way! But we managed to make it across and joked how we could now tell people we had run in a marathon. Onwards! We walked through part of St. James Park (I think I have my park names right, correct me if you know better), and then approached Westminster Abbey, the House of Parliament and Big Ben. We crossed the Thames on Westminster bridge, I believe it was pedestrian only because it was Sunday. Once we crossed we walked along the water for quite some distance. We saw the London Eye above us, St. Paul's back on the other side of the water (no time to visit up close, next time!), and bridge after bridge. We walked past the Tate Modern and the Globe theater but I couldn't see a darn thing from the outside. I had considered seeing the show playing there the night before but it wasn't even a Shakespeare play! Eventually we made our way all the way to the Tower Bridge. We sent PB a text message and asked if he wanted to meet up with us for a little while before we had to leave. We crossed the bridge and walked past the Tower of London. We got a couple sandwiches for lunch and joined the majority of people out and about that day in having a soft serve ice cream cone. PB met up with us just in time to wander around the waterfront a little longer before we jumped on the Underground one last time and headed towards Luton. There was a Boots at the airport after security so I got a little fix after all! However they didn't have the specific things I had wanted to buy, but it was still a nice little bonus. I liked London very much and will go back whenever I get the opportunity/reason. It was strange to be back in an English speaking country, but I think about half of what I overheard on the street wasn't English and a good deal of the English I heard had American accents! London is truly an international city. Perhaps even more so that expat and banker filled Zürich. Which is where we were a couple of hours later, shocked that we had only left the morning before.

Small World

A long, long time ago I said I was going to tell you about the small number of degrees that seem to separate the people I meet here. Now, that's not too many people really, but it is clear to see that while a large percentage of Zürich are expats (I've heard anywhere from 20 to 30%), the overlap in social circles is huge. CF let me know a while back about the spouses group made up of people (I won't lie, it's all women) from around the world. I've met great ladies from England, Scotland, Finland, France, Germany, Hungary, Sweden, Australia, and yes, even a few from the US. Sitting at my first coffee with them I realized that one of them knows some of the bloggers I had been following since learning we'd be coming here. Bloggers often reference other blogs with links, and clicking away from one I'm subscribed to I quickly came to a reference to one of the spouses I had met via email before moving here, but unfortunately for me she was moving back to California right around the same time. This spouse is also a blogger (are you confused yet?), and she told me I should meet up with yet another blogger who was moving back to Zürich, having lived her for a number of years not too long ago. She and I had coffee one day, she showed me where to get the best cappuccinos in town, and then it turns out that someone who works for the company from which I quit to come here was her college roommate. It almost seems silly sometimes how everyone knows everyone.

The catch is that the expat community is also likely to move on. People are more than courteous but real relationships are hard to establish when you know that chances are high that your new friend will move on. I've pretty much have come to see myself as a lousy candidate for "friend." I disappear almost every weekend and I know already that I'm only here a year. I have no expectations of anyone really reaching out to me. That being said, everyone is so nice. It's a great support system!

Even our friends from the great night out with Italian food and beer have moved back to California, they were here for two and a half years and were ready to go home. Luckily, another part of this small world theme is visits from friends from California. The internet seems to be keeping me connected with my friends and family via instant message chatting, Facebook status updates, and video conferencing (I can already see how my little niece has changed since I last saw her in person). Every so often I start to feel out of touch and somehow that ends up being the day I Skype with my mom or exchange snarky comments on Flickr with Mr. Bertha (FYI, he told me to call him this, long story involving a Lady) and then I feel okay with the world again.

And while we're on the topic of the world and whatever size it is. Here's a gorgeous sunset as seen from our balcony. The weather has gone colder and I miss eating dinner out there already! Wait until you compare the view we saw just a few weeks later!

Back to Before

Whoops! I forgot I was going to post a bit about how I spent my time before leaving.

The day I put CF on a plane to Zürich I went out with some friends in San Francisco. The DP's planned a fantastic outing for KZ and me to enjoy while our husbands were in different countries (PZ was in India). CF and I had actually met up earlier that week with the DP's for sushi in Half Moon Bay and PDP had the idea to go to Slanted Door for dinner on Saturday. Now, I knew KZ had been dying to go there so of course we had to make it happen. The best reservation we could get was quite late but we decided to go for it. We didn't tell KZ where we were going but we guessed it and guessed right. So of course we had to throw her off. We were having cocktails before dinner at one bar and then switched to a restaurant (Can I just say that I will miss the current cocktail trends in SF, basil and lillet blanc seem to be in every other drink!) and told KZ that was where we would be dining. Then when it was time to actually go to the Slanted Door P told her our table was ready and then we ran up the stairs and out the door. She was so confused so we finally spilled the beans. She was sooo excited. It was great fun. Then we proceeded to eat and drink away our cares. You can always tell that I've had far too much to drink when I stop being subtle with my camera. I was snapping away with the flash on. Shameful! It caught up with the me the next day though. I didn't get to enjoy my breakfast until about 3pm when I could finally bring myself to eat more than a few bites. Thanks for a fab time DP's!

Then I headed down to San Diego to visit the Niece and her parents. She is beyond adorable and we had a great time playing with my computer. My sister was a bit terrified with how much I let her touch the keys, I'm sure I'm not making her efforts any easier, sorry L! We ended up on Skype with CF a couple of times and the Niece and he would launch into a hilarious routine of exchanging kisses. This involves him kissing at his webcam so his lips would fill the screen and then she would kiss towards him on the screen, which mean that my webcam could only catch the top of her head. All CF could see was crazy blonde curls fluttering back and forth. Soooo cute! She knows an amazing number of words: names, numbers, colors, etc... and she can read some of them too. And I'm not just being a biased aunt when I say that she is absolutely gorgeous. I think she attracts a lot of attention and people on street like to say "Hi!" in a drawn out, high pitched baby voice. So she's now taken to waving to people and saying "Hiiiiiiii!" with a little voice that sounds something like a southern belle. I'm so glad I got to go spend some time with her before leaving the country. Apparently after I left she was pointing towards their computer and asking for CF, and when she was trying to talk on the phone with my brother she was a bit thrown off by not being able to see him as well. We've already video chatted with her once from here in Switzerland and she did a repeat performance of the kissy exchange and also "beeped" our noses for us a few times. I had noticed in August that she didn't seem phased at all to see CF in the computer, but I wondered if she was a little confused as to how I was there now too. Oh, the things kids' brains have to learn these days!

My last week at home was packed full of socializing and lots of meals out. I got to see a lot of friends and really wrapped up a successful summer of connecting with the people I care about. The Saturday before I went to see UC Davis play San Jose State. The football game didn't turn out the way we would have liked, but it was perfect to get to see people one last time before I left. I just hated the moment it was over and suddenly people turned to me to say goodbye, the thing I had been putting off all summer. Riding back home with the DP's I asked if we could grab some dinner, I had very little food at home. We stopped for a burger, which totally hit the spot and seemed quite appropriate for one of my last meals in the States for a while. PDP said, "That's a big smile, M." "Well, I'm a happy girl."

The day after that my parents and brother came to visit and we went out to my favorite Mexican restaurant, Hola, to celebrate T's birthday. The food was all incredible (we all picked out great dishes), we had lots of good margaritas, we had a great time. The family helped me go through the house and look for any loose ends to tie up. Thank goodness my sister and her family were coming just a few days after I left so they could fix up anything I failed to get done! I had to say goodbye to my parents but T spent the night, graciously sleeping on the couch. We went for a nice walk on the Bay Trail the next day and watched plenty of No Reservations (which by the way, we have been watching via the iTunes Store in the week I've been here, makes me feel right at home!). Then I had to put him on a train back to Davis.

Once I was alone is when all hell broke lose... which takes us back to where the first post I wrote today started. All my readers back at home are going to wake up to a whole lot of babbling to catch up with on their Tuesday morning!

The Journey "Home."

Can I really have been here so many days already?

My last hours spent in the States weren't great. I found myself slightly under prepared and scrambling to get packed. The short time I slept the night before I left was with my suitcase opened on the bed next to me as I hadn't quite got it packed right. I figured I'd head into my flight a bit weary but that would help me get some sleep. I was feeling a bit lonely and nervous as I arrived at the airport, but I perked up a bit when I was reminded at the check-in counter that I could try out their lounge since I was flying business class. The Red Carpet Club wasn't as impressive as I would have hoped, but it was MUCH better than waiting at the gate. I chatted online with a few people and that made me feel a little less alone. I heard the first boarding call for my flight and decided to just go for it. I felt weird, very spoiled, as I boarded without waiting in line. My seat was rear-facing, but I had selected it as one of the last options on an aisle. Not nearly as comfy as I would have expected a business class seat to be! But the amount of space that I had to myself and the fact that the seat went all the way flat made me extremely happy. Thank you, thank you, CF for thinking to put me there.

I spent a good chunk of the flight with my feet up, watching movies and drinking plenty of water. All right, I'll admit to one vodka tonic before dinner and port with dessert. Turns out I love a good port, by the way. I decided to try to catch up on that sleep I so badly needed, but it wouldn't quite happen for me. The flight crew kept bustling by, I wondered if the aisle seat was such a good idea. Oh well, I was extremely comfortable and if no deep sleep came I at least got some good rest. We did hit some turbulence that night, and I am happy to report it bothered me very little. I think I was comfortable enough to stay relaxed. While laying flat in my rear-facing seat I was basically flying head first. I had headphones and a sleep mask on and decided to "pretend" to be sound asleep. Pretend to who, you ask? Ummm, I guess myself!

We landed in Frankfurt a bit early so I had most of three hours to wait for my half-hour flight to Zürich. I managed to find the lounge there and put their espresso machine to work. It was morning now and it was time to stay awake. Eventually it was time to board my second flight, this one was staffed with pretty German blondes and the passengers were mainly businessmen in suits. A rather odd place to find myself! The flight was so short, I was amazed they found time to serve a snack. They pretty much collected our trays as the plane landed. I was in the third row so I was off the plane quickly. A quick peek was taken at my passport, I don't think they even looked at my visa which makes me elligable for temporary residency. I suppose since you don't need a visa to visit they didn't care. I called CF and told him I was in Swizterland, and after about 5 minutes the luggage carousel started to turn. My two suitcases were magically some of the first ones off the plane, I popped them onto a luggage cart and wheeled my way outside to get a taxi. One was waiting right outside the door and he knew our street (it is a large one) so off we went! I was at my front door so quickly that CF hadn't even made it home from the office yet. I found a seat and waited not-so-patiently.

Finally I saw him walking up and jumped up to give him a hug. He showed me inside and I pieced back together the vague memories I had of the building from our visit here last year. Who would have thought I'd be moving in less than a year later? I got a shower and then we had a snack, just as he had promised: fresh croissants and Nutella. I was home.

Here it comes, here I go...

I am sorry for the silence. There has been so much I could say in the past couple days that I somehow didn't manage to post a thing. Words can't really describe everything going on in my warped little mind right now.

Thank you for a beautiful summer, I set out hoping to spend quality time with the people I love and I am so grateful to be able to say I think I really accomplished that. It seems like forever ago that I left my job but really, I had important business to take care of this summer! Hopefully in the next couple of days I can blog a little about what I've been up, visiting family and prepping for expat life. I will be continuing this blog and considering how much more I write while traveling the content should at least increase in quantity, and hopefully also quality. Please keep in touch, please comment and let me know what you're up to.

Now it's time to drag my sorry behind out of bed, I've only been here for about four hours. I found it hard to feel like sleeping much last night but now I'm hurting. Hopefully it will help me sleep on the plane. I've got to repack my large clothing filled suitcase once again, I managed to move some pieces to my smaller "stuff suitcase" that will hopefully make it not such a tight fit. I'm surprised I didn't have nightmares about my hard-shell suitcase swinging open during travel. I also have a very few things left to do here with the house... things that really I suppose could be done by my family who are staying in my house just a few days from now. But I'll see what I can do.

I'm so excited to see my Classy Fellow again. The past two and a half weeks have flown by, and I don't even miss him that much thanks to the wonders of Skype. But it will be great to see him in person. Last night he said to me, "M, come HOME!"

So here I go... into the adventure, into who-knows-what... I'm ready to jump.

(A different kind of) Ladies who lunch.

I spent a lovely day in San Francisco yesterday. I met up with three wonderful ladies for lunch at MarketBar at the Ferry Building. Well, there were four of us eventually, poor NR trekked down from Sacramento and had a bit of parking trouble before switching to BART. I indulged in a fantastic BLT and pomme frites, which will be my inspiration to keep going when I want to quit before my 30 minutes of running are up later today. Or maybe it will be the Miette cupcake I had with NR after our other two lunching ladies had to go back to work. We grabbed some coffee, having both slept in and not managed to have any before lunch and headed out back to enjoy the view. Here's a photo I found of someone having a similar experience, I've admired those cupcakes for so long, I'm pretty excited to have had one. The cake is bittersweet chocolate and the frosting is marshmallowy meringue goodness. Have I ever mentioned that although I prefer dark chocolate and hate overly sweet things, for some reason I have a soft spot (perhaps literally) for marshmallow? After undoing all the good several miles of running had done in the past couple days, we headed further into the city and managed to do just a small bit of shopping. We wound up having a drink at Zazil in the Shopping Centre and just enjoyed getting to chat in person. Something I don't get to do with certain friends nearly enough. I'm really relishing time spent like this right now. I'm so grateful for a summer full of good times with good friends.

I have to say, I know some pretty amazing women. I'm not going to discuss their personal lives on my blog, but all three of my friends at lunch yesterday have incredibly cool stuff going on in their lives right now. We met online while planning weddings but real and valuable friendships were born. Another thing I am very grateful for.

Preparations for heading to Zurich continue to go well. We keep thinking we're procrastinating or misbehaving when we run off to Davis for the night (like we did last week, pretty much just to see two friends' bands play), go on another stock-up shopping spree or take the time to watch way too many episodes of No Reservations. But really, we've done a good job planning and everything is going smoothly... so far, knock on wood. After slinking back home in the early afternoon on Saturday ("Gotta get up early and head home, sorry we can't stay longer, mom!" Sheesh!) we got to sorting out what was going into our shipping container. We had to decide what was too heavy to get to Switzerland any other way, and what could we stand to do without for most of two months. Once I started making that division in my wardrobe, it was basically all over. Reality is setting in, this is happening soon! We got through a good deal of our stuff on Saturday so Sunday became yet another shopping day. Most of the loot we brought home came from REI, I now own hiking shoes, and the rain shell I've avoided buying on the past two trips to Europe because "I'll never wear it at home." Oh, how life can change. CF is too good to me and offered to pay and not let me see how much we spent. He knows me so well! We finished our sorting easily Sunday evening and were totally ready for them when they showed up on Monday morning.

They brought the whole damn twenty-foot shipping container to our house! It filled the street! Not. Subtle. To make matters worse the postman pulled up and started asking loudly if the house was vacant, or were we moving. Not. Helping. I think the container was at least half empty when they finished. And we probably could have done without half of what we sent! We're taking a bunch of our kitchen stuff, but they are leaving most of theirs. I took more books than I've probably read in the past ten years, how many do I really think I'm going to read this year? Oh well, at least I didn't have to decide right now. So that's on it's way. The air freight will go shortly after CF does. And we'll both be packing up two suitcases, at least. Eventually we'll get everything there. Including me. I'll be there in less than a month! Eek!

The Countdown Begins!

Yesterday was the two month mark, I have a ticket booked for Zurich on September 2. We've done a lot of preparation already, but there is still an amazing amount of work to be done. I'm so grateful to be unemployed right now so I can work on all this stuff now instead of scrambling at the last minute. I have also been spending lots of time with friends and I'm having a blast. It will make it all the harder to say goodbye in 8 weeks, but lots of great memories have been forming.

I had finally decided to stay behind in the states after CF heads to Switzerland on August 16. My sister had been planning on visiting with her family at the beginning of September since before all this Europe adventure stuff came along and I wanted to be here for them. Plus the first couple weeks are going to be crazy as CF gets settled in at work and takes over for HK before he heads to Sydney. Originally my sister had asked me about our brother's birthday weekend... but somewhere along the way I had started to think we had discussed Labor Day weekend. You see, the two are usually the same. CF was itching to get airfare booked so I decided I would leave the day after Labor Day itself. He did the sweetest thing for me. Remember how I am super scared of flying? Well, at least of turbulence? The biggest drawback for me to fly to Europe after him was the thought of riding out a storm alone. I should mention, part of me deciding to stay behind two weeks was me wanting to do something that scares me. Just to see what will happen. Well, even if I'm scared to tears I will be crying much more comfortably because CF went and booked me a business class ticket. I am actually looking forward to the experience now because of that!

Ah, but here is where the "whoops!" comes in. My sister and her family were coming to stay with me because her husband bought tickets to all three concerts Dave Matthews Band is doing in Berkeley that weekend. That weekend that is my brother's birthday... NOT Labor Day weekend. I'm booked to fly out a couple of days before they will be arriving. This was so frustrating! I felt ridiculous for going and buying a ticket without confirming the plan with anyone, CF was already a little bit antsy about being alone in Europe so long and he did not want me showing up any later than already planned, but I didn't want to leave my sister hanging and miss out on a visit, and besides if I wasn't going to be here for their visit than the whole point of me staying behind was lost. ARRRRRRRGGGHHHHHH!!!

Well, I've calmed down a bit now and remembered that with "opportunities of a lifetime" you have to make compromises. Moving my ticket would cost a good chunk of extra money, plus CF started suggesting that I couldn't live without him for longer than 2.5 weeks (I think he means he can't live without me, but whatever). So right now the plan is to leave that plane ticket alone and I'll go down to San Diego and visit the Life Breaking In crew after CF departs for Europe. The plan isn't perfect, but I think it will do. And yes, DS, I will give you a key and you can use the house for your Berkeley weekend. How funny to think it will be occupied so soon after I leave!

This weekend CF is actually heading over to Zurich for a week to start getting things ready. I'll be heading up to the North Bay for Mr. PZ's birthday party and then I'll drive to Davis for a little more time in my hometown, for what could be the last time for quite some time. Also in upcoming plans, a visit from my parents and grandparents (we're hoping to get out to Half Moon Bay for a visit to Sam's Chowder House), dinner at Chez Panisse with CF's side of the family (the upstairs cafe this time which did indeed look much more inviting than the downstairs restaurant turned out to be, we should have listened to the advice), CF's finally taking his scuba lessons (the last weekend of this will include a trip to Monterey so I'm going along so we can visit expecting mommy and daddy SL and BL, and also DH and family), then we're having a big going away bash for ourselves... like we needed an excuse to plan one last party before we go! So it's going to be crazy times from here on out. Hope we can keep our heads on straight.

Besides all these fabulous plans we also have to continue with our efforts to make our lives more transportable. We're in the middle of switching to an online bank and we've taken out a credit card with no foreign transaction fee and a good conversion rate. I've renewed my driver's license most of a year early as it would have expired while we were gone. My reward for being so proactive was having to take half the written test with no warning! Turns out the test is much more ridiculous than I remember and includes such passive aggressive notes as:

"Q: Driving slowly in front of traffic in the far left (fast) lane on any freeway... A: Can frustrate other drivers and make them angry."

I got 100% on the test, got to take a new photo so at least it will look more like my current self, and I got to give them a whole new lie about my weight (what it current says used to be a lie because I weighed more but for quite some time now I've weighed a good deal less than what it says).

I was about to send my passport in for early renewal as well, had new pictures taken and everything, but CF is applying for our visa/s today and doesn't know if they will be attaching something into my current book or not. I'm hoping not so I can use my new photos and get a passport that actually says my current last name, not just as an amendment on the very last page. So much paper work! Photos here, signatures there... again, so glad to have the availability to be doing this now instead of scrambling for the time and cutting it close just before we go.

I spent most of yesterday updating accounts with credit cards and other billers. Giving everyone the credit card number we'd like them to bill from now on, giving our PO box mailing address (a swell service CF signed us up for that will scan the outside of envelopes we received and make that available to us online and then we can tell them if we'd like them to open it and scan the contents for us or not, fancy!), and updating our telephone number to the only one we have right now that will be staying with us: our Skype phone number! Our cellphones and home phone will soon be getting canceled. This number we can answer on a computer or forward to our new mobiles or home line. It's a US number too so it's cheaper for friends to call us this way.

If you have a web cam and microphone though I'd like to suggest signing up for a free Skype account and we'll get connected. Video conferencing is here and now, folks! My parents marveled as CF and I sat on the couch and had a chat... with him on our couch at home and me on my parents' couch in Davis a couple weeks ago. The world is getting smaller and smaller!

So anyway, as you can see we're getting through it all but there is a lot to be done before we take off. I remain excited but the whole thing seems much more real now and the responsibility of it all, all the organization and what not, is a pretty big burden. But I'm not complaining... it's just part of taking an opportunity of a lifetime!

My own worst enemy...

Am I the only one who immediately thought of scrumptious sweets from Paris when seeing this book cover? Please tell me I'm not the only one!

Recently while struggling through one of my assignments for writing class (Who knew I would struggle for content? I though I had such great stories to tell!) I found myself reading through posts from earlier in the year and saw my New Year's resolution: "Be good to yourself." How are we doing on this?

Things were going great until recently. I made it through the two month running program, managed to get brave enough to quit my job and was then rewarded with the opportunity of a lifetime: a year living in Europe. Then the appendicitis got me and I went through a rough patch.

I joked recently when talking at work about quitting and going to Europe for a year that I don't deal with change very well so I like to get it all over with at once. Kind of like the year that I quit my steady job, moved out of my hometown, traveled internationally for the first time and got married (I went to the doctor and told them everything that happened said I was worried that I was depressed, they replied, "I'm impressed you're still standing after doing all that!"). I guess I needed to get a little bit more in this round so, like I said, appendicitis struck and I found myself suddenly unable to do the two things I'd been spending most of my time on: working and working out. I went from an extremely social work setting, I interacted with probably hundreds of people a day, to being stuck at home not wanting to move for a good chunk of a week. At first I was a little bit outraged, I was robbed of my closure! But I'm looking for lessons and signs in life right now. What can I take from the way things played out? The message I hear is, "Get over yourself and move on." I had decided to work a full month after giving notice only to have my body cut it down to the standard two-weeks. It was time to go. I had these grand ideas of somehow passing on some sort of wisdom in the store, but the truth was it probably wasn't going to make a big difference, get over yourself and move on. So my ego had some healing to do along with my body.

At first the plan to go to Europe was exhilarating. Then I was distracted for a while by the quick changes in my present situation. By the time my attention came back around to what the year has in store for us the month of May was pretty much over. After a fantastic camping trip (yes, that's right, I had a good time but hey, it included martini glasses filled with pink cocktails and I got to shower in the middle of it), Ms. D departed for her summer in Alaska. I was sad to see her go, I won't see her again in person until November. The day she actually left I was struck down with thoughts of what it's going to be like to have to say goodbye and leave three months from now. I freaked out, I cried, it was all finally sinking in. I'm scared out of my mind. I still know it's the opportunity of a lifetime. Moving five years ago broke me down for a while, but I came out of it stronger and better. This will likely to do the same and could crush me harder than ever, but will the rewards be that much greater?

I wallowed it in for a few days and then somehow woke up last Saturday knowing that it was time to pick myself up and dust myself off. CF was on the same page with me. We have been tightening down on the diet habits, each of us determined to head to Europe as fit as possible. Some women would be horrified if they got within 15 pounds of their husband's weight, but they'd probably still be lighter. I am the heavier of the two, but I have never in the long fifteen years been so close to his weight. Of course the moment he started paying attention to what he was eating the pounds started falling off of him right and left (men!), I've got my work cut out for me trying to keep up. I eased back into exercise with an hour walk up our hill and then managed to get a little running done at the gym. Tomorrow I have my first appointment with LT since the morning she basically diagnosed my appendicitis and told me to call the doctor. I expect to her to kick my butt back into shape in no time.

Congratulations, if you've made it to this point in the post then you get to help answer an embarrassing, tough question I was asked recently. The life coaching sessions, which I originally purchased to help me find career goals, have become more about being an authentic, complete individual. I agreed to a semi-cheesy visualization exercise that involved visiting myself twenty years from now and led to some surprisingly clear revelations. It was just before Memorial Day so I had friendships on the brain, but before she even asked who else was around when I visited my twenty-years-from-now self I knew certain friends were there. It felt really nice. But then I hit a snag, "What do they call her? If there was a nickname you can hear if she walks back into the room?" "Ugh, knowing my friends it's something about Fabulous." Why ugh? I don't know. I put the word in my own darn subtitle and yet it makes me cringe. I try to laugh it off. I start to wonder what it means... am I superficial, vain, prissy, delusional, shallow? I think it's mostly said as a compliment but I often feel somehow scoffed at or chided and it leaves me wanting to yell, "There's more to me than just that!" But I know there's good stuff behind the label as well. Funny thing is, this is something that's really come out of the last several years. No one called me Fabulous when I was pushing 300 pounds. I know it's related to my self-confidence increasing, and yet it's ahead of where I am now. I don't have the confidence to carry this label with pride yet. So I need help in figuring out what it all means, can I let go of the silly side of it and embrace the truly fabulous? Any advice would be much appreciated. No rush though, I've got twenty years to learn how to "own" it.

Not what I signed up for... continued.

Once the ER doctor had declared the need for an appendectomy I became the hospital's problem. I thanked Dr. MacGregor and Caitlin profusely as I tried to fill out paper work (I handed some of it off because the damn IV in my right arm was making me not want to use it). I wonder how many people come through the ER really willing and/or able to thank them. I had felt kind of bad as CF and I sat there giggling while people were rather miserable all around me. This experience was a weird one!

So up and over to the hospital. They wheeled me into the short-stay unit where I met a great little team of nurses. Eileen and Mary were brash and loud and a whole lot of fun. Well, maybe it was just Eileen but she had enough fun to go around. I impressed them all by getting up out of my ER bed to walk over to my new one. CF was given a chair and we were left in a small "room" enclosed by a curtain. Various in-laws called CF's phone. "No mom, you shouldn't come here, we're inside a curtain and besides, you shouldn't ever set foot in a hospital unless totally necessary." (Long story.) My chemist brother-in-law grilled CF on what they had done, what they were doing, and what they planned to do. It seemed rather comical, but just in case I also confirmed with CF that BIL did approve. When twin brother-in-law called CF teased him, "We're sorry, you're the last W to call." "That makes him the winner!" "Oh, I've been informed that you're the winner, congratulations." I can't blame them for reacting more strongly than my family. They've had a lot more experiences with hospitals involved and most of them unhappy ones.

Warning, if you don't want to hear about my underwear than skip this paragraph! I was informed that if I wanted to keep my underwear I'd best not wear them into surgery. By the way, I thought about regretting my choice of polka dots on purple but decided it helped to keep things light and fun since so many people were getting to see them. Mary said she'd take care of me, and brought me a fun pair of white boyshorts. I got the IV hanger with wheels set up so I could walk down to the bathroom. Looking for a place set my own undies as I cautiously got changed I couldn't find a single surface I wanted to use. I looked up and decided to hang them on my new friend, the IV hanger. This is where I discovered the hospital issues underwear resembled white fishnet. Sassy! Then I started to go for the door, but luckily remembered the lovely polka dotted flag I had flying up over head. Hadn't enough people seen them already today without me putting them on display like that? I grabbed them down and headed back to bed. Hmmm, fishnet underwear, not comfy to lay on.

Bless his heart, CF knows how to keep me distracted. He had brought his laptop and wireless internet card. So there we were online in the hospital bed. "Let's change my Facebook status! That'll be hilarious!" And that's when it hit me. Obviously I wouldn't be making it to DD's last spin class the next morning. Damn. CF helped me email him. "Looks like I won't be making it to your last spin class tomorrow morning. Also looks like I had appendicitis in your class yesterday morning. I'll miss you!" I hoped he'd find it amusing. CF had talked to the girls at my store and they had started clearing me off the schedule. He had also emailed a bunch of our friends. The subject of the email was just my name. Later Ms. JH would complain to me that he shouldn't be sending out emails titled as such, she thought I was dead. Not yet, dear!

The anaesthesiologist came in to introduce himself. Now, they had put me on a scale for a second when I came in, so maybe he had looked at my chart and decided to flatter me. Or maybe it's a good thing he checked with me, because he asked if I weighed about 150. "Oh dear, no!" That's what I said! I wish I had taken any drugs at that point that I could blame that sort of language on. I set him straight and he went on his merry way. Eventually the surgeon himself paid me a visit to explain what was going to happen. The surgery would be attempted laparoscopically. Meaning no big incision, just three little ones, one at my belly button and two lower. He went through all the information which led us to the surgery and what my options were. I imagine this is because people have been awful about things after the fact saying they weren't told what was going on. He really did fill me in on everything going on. He told me, they could still be wrong at this point. They could get in there and the appendix could be fine. He was going to take it out anyway since he was already going to be in the area. But then we'd be back to square one with the pain. "You really don't even look like someone with appendicitis, even acute."

"It's so nice to have a healthy patient!" Everyone in the operating room nodded to agree with whoever had just said this. This was the second point in the day that I started to get a bit upset and scared. I hate the moment just before the bad stuff goes down. The anaesthesiologist informed me he'd be giving me three drugs and what each one would make me feel. I got distracted for a second by them putting my arms out to the side and then I turned my head back to him and said, "Are we already on to the second drug?" "I've already given you all three." "Oh good, because wooaaah! I thought for a second..." and that's where I black out, trying to make a joke about being a lightweight.

My eyes opened. The moment seemed a little too familiar. Like waking up after a night of too much drinking. Oh god, what did I do? Oh no, now I'm going to feel like crap. I whimpered a little, finally miserable, it had taken all day. Tina, the Recovery nurse, came to check on me. She asked if I was nauseous or in pain. How was I supposed to know? I could barely see or think straight. I told her maybe a little bit of both just to get her off my case. "Was it appendicitis? Was it infected?" I had suddenly remembered that this was left a bit up in the air. "I can't tell you that, the doctor will come talk to you." Well that sucks. Now I'm miserable and uninformed! She told me just to breathe and wiped the gunk out of my eye (they put stuff in there to keep them from drying out). I concentrated on some long yoga breaths, thinking it might help me relax, I was in hell! A machine started beeping wildly and she told me to breathe faster. Funny, it didn't like my yoga breathing. I don't know how long this went on but every time I slowed down into nice relaxing breaths the machine yelled at me. "Can I move my legs? My back is really uncomfortable." "Yeah, it's great if you can move." I just wanted to make sure I wasn't going to hurt myself, I used my legs to flatten my back out, whatever I was laying on had no give to make room for the booty. "Do you at least feel better now?" she asked me. "Umm, no, I was just a little uncomfortable when I got here this morning and now I'm miserable!" I think I offended her. Sorry Tina.

Eventually they wheeled me out of Recovery and I saw CF. I grilled him and found out that the doctor had indeed said that my appendix looked infected. Whew! I had to wriggle over from the gurney to my hospital bed. It was a struggle but it was well worth it. The sun hadn't even set, the view from my room was actually quite lovely and reminded me that I wasn't too far from home. I have neglected to mention that my legs had been plastic wrapped most of this rather hot day. When in bed they hook the wraps up to a machine that inflates and deflates them, to massage and prevent blood clots. I had been annoyed as they made my legs sweat, but that night they felt really good. CF stayed for a while longer and read me emails from concerned friends. My nurse, Gwen, told me to get some sleep and then try to go for a walk, but I felt bad sleeping while he was there since he was going to go home for the night. He went home around 9. I sent my father a text message thanking him for sleeping upright in a chair the night I was in the hospital at age 12. I was fine being alone tonight though. I watched a little television, but was annoyed with the lack of Tivo features. Finally I went to sleep.

I woke up a little after midnight. I was roasting hot, why had they put this blanket over me? I got rid of the offending extra warmth and wondered if it was too late to go for that walk. I pressed the button to call for a nurse. Micoy was on duty now, he said I didn't have to walk tonight if I just wanted to sleep. I told him I hadn't eaten anything since 7am. "Oh wow! Well, what sounds good? I have jello, pudding, crackers." "Yes." Awful jello and unsalted Saltines have never tasted so good. After a nice little snack I decided just to go back to sleep.

The next morning I decided it was time to walk. Micoy was a little distracted, "Ok, go for it." I was barefoot and my hospital gown was not tied in the back. I decided to just go with it and grabbed the back and held it close. "Oh, you need some socks! Why didn't you get those last night?" "I was hot!" So at least my feet were covered. I made it about one step out the door before he realized I was holding on for dear modesty. "Oh, let's get you another gown for the back!" So now I was on track, and I went for my little walk. Right around the corner was labor and delivery. I didn't want to get in the way, and didn't want to get lost, so I turned around and came back. I didn't know it at the time but I saw my next nurse, Kristin arrive. I did a few little laps and went back to bed. I ate a bland but much appreciated breakfast sitting on the edge of my bed. CF joined me and we waited for the doctor to come give me the green light to go home.

It was a couple of hours and another walk before he came by. "Ready to go home?" You betchya! Kristin gave me some instructions and a vicodin for the road. She sent CF to get the car and together she and I walked out of the hospital. I thanked her, and sent good thoughts of thanks to everyone I had come into contact with in the last 24+ hours. Everyone was so nice, so helpful. I hope they get appreciated enough.

When I got dressed Wednesday morning I didn't say to myself, "I think I'll have me some surgery today, I'd be dress in loose clothing." So I got to ride home in unbuttoned denim capris. I quickly changed into a sundress and planted myself on the futon at home. Thank goodness for plenty of television to catch up with. It was the most miserably hot day the peninsula had seen in a long time, and there I was, stuck at home not wanting to move. CF hid out downstairs where it's about 10 degrees cooler but there was no where to lay down, so I stayed upstairs. Eventually I took a cold shower to get the grime off of me and to cool down. I felt a million times better after that.

The next couple days were also hot but not nearly as bad. CF worked from home Thursday and Friday so we were together for the long weekend. By Saturday morning I realized I could go twice as long as I needed to without taking another vicodin so I figured I'd get off the narcotics and switched to Advil. We even went to the San Mateo Farmers' Market, my bloated belly sticking out under my sundress, I'm sure I looked more pregnant than hurt. My mother-in-law came over to check on us and nearly fell on the floor when she saw me up and about. She was speechless because she has basically never had a procedure done that wasn't followed with every major complication possible. The power of positive thinking, I say. I have a lot to do this summer! I don't have time for this to slow me down for longer than necessary.

I've read up on what Mary (the fun short-stay nurse) had called a "lapy appy." Apparently they inflated my belly with gas to give them more room to see/work. And it appears to take quite some time for the bloating to go away. Here I am, most of a week later and I still look a bit pregnant. I waddled around the grocery store yesterday and by the time I came home I was a bit sore from jiggling around so much. Still, it's better than recovering from a regular appendectomy! I read online that people with certain health problems do not make good laparoscopic candidates. Obese people were on this list, which in a weird sick way makes me so proud to have had my lapy appy.

We're still going camping this weekend. I figure I can just stay put in my chair and I won't shake things up too much. The girl who doesn't even like camping has just become the person most adamant to go. Well, let's not go too far. I can think of a few things that could tear me away. But seeing how we won't be around to camp next year, I am looking forward to spending this time with my friends.

As far as my other group of friends, my coworkers, it looks like I have been torn away from my last days of work. The surgeon said no work for two weeks, and everyone agrees that returning for a few days would be useless. I'd be caught up in time just to be done. I'm feeling a bit sad about this. I didn't get to wrap things up, I didn't get to pass along the lessons I've learned... I'm not sure anyone would have been listening. But it would have been nice to try. So I'm robbed of my closure. It leave the past year feeling a little bittersweet. This job brought me back to the real world, to "real life." And now it's time to shake things up, and move on to what I want life to be.

Falling behind again...

This always happens. I keep meaning to post about certain things and then they all back up on me. Last week we had a lovely anniversary. I meant to post some distant memories of meeting CF half a lifetime ago. I also meant to tell you about the days we spent hiding from real life. Kind of fun to just escape to the nearest city. On Easter, after scanning all those photos, we decided to fly to Southern California for my grandfather's birthday party after all. I've known about it for months, little did I know it was going to be a huge affair so I'm glad we were able to get on board at the last minute. It was nice to see family, and I got a bonus visit with the niece, who I will see again in just a few weeks when we celebrate her first birthday. Speaking of first birthdays and anniversaries, it's about that time at work. What a long, strange and wild ride it's been. I'm not really sure where it's going but I'm a patient woman. I've had several friends visit me at work recently so I can help them with wedding related design projects, so I'm quite busy with those right now. It's a lot of work but a lot of fun. We're still trying to get our bathroom remodel/rebuild project going. But as you can see, our attention has been taken elsewhere.

So there's a lot going on. And I keep meaning to write about it all. But this will have to do for now.

Think again...

Lately I've been trying to second guess myself whenever possible. I'm not going to try to deny that I have it pretty darn good in life, and yet I am totally lacking in ambition and drive. I have to be doing something wrong! I sort of think starting to run was my first bit of an affair with second guessing myself. I didn't think I should do it, but I did it anyway and it's paying off very nicely.

I had a friend ask me over GoogleTalk what was keeping me from getting a job that I am passionate about. She meant what was standing between me and these jobs. But my answer was a very honest: "Lack of passion!" She asked if I had ever talked to a life/career coach, and I did sort of once. They told me a lot of things I already know about the kind of job I should probably end up with. She did nothing to get me excited about getting of these jobs, and I didn't really know which one I wanted to do, because without passion I didn't really want to do any of them. Anyway, so the recent conversation leads to a new coach recommendation. This friend is well connected and very smart, so I take her recommendation seriously. But the coaches website looks a little cheesy so I hold off. However I just asked myself, "what's something you can do about the situation NOW?" And well, "find a coach," was the first thing that came to mind so I decided to second guess myself and set up an appointment to speak to this coach over the phone on Monday. Stay tuned.

When a new restocking form at work made my brain melt and made me want to cry I tried to suck it up and not complain, just tried to get through it. But guess what? I decided to talk to my manager after all, she asked on the big conference call how other people were handling this form, other stores were doing it the same way, but then the people at the home office who made the form chime in and inform everyone that basically everyone has been doing it wrong! Oh my goodness, I just saved myself a lot of heartache!

I had some wacky ideas for what to do with my Thursday. I had half a mind to drive to Berkeley because I'd been dying to check out Herringbone, which carried CB I Hate Perfume, it's the only place around these parts to get it actually. CF was considering working in the city even though he also went last Thursday and usually goes every other week. If he was working in the city I sort of wanted to go have dinner somewhere great with him. I had wanted to spend some time with Ms. shoppingsmycardio but the silly girl has gone back to work and was busy. Boo! Also on my list of people to connect with was AV, an old, old, friend of mine who Facebook had sort of put me back in contact with. I went to elementary school with him and hadn't seen him since high school grad night. For some reason he was one of the people from my past that I sometimes wondered about. It's always amazing when you finally catch up with someone like this. When I wrote on his Facebook wall last summer, "How the hell are you?" we exchanged messages for a bit and then promised to call each other if we were ever in each other's neighborhoods. Calling him wasn't exactly second guessing myself, but driving all the way to Berkeley just to put together this collection of half-baked ideas was a little crazy, normally I'd end up finding an excuse to back out. But oh no, I went.

AV and I sat in the back corner of our senior year American Government class. We were just about the only two people not from the largely yuppie, trendy, annoying clique that seemed to mostly come out of El Macero or West Davis. Two East Davis kids found themselves in need of some sane company. The teacher knew how it was for us too, he had AV do the roll, I answered every question he asked the class. If we were late, or if AV wasn't there at all, it was all OK with him, we understood each other. AV was the bad boy, drugs were involved (which happily aren't part of his life anymore), and he ditched more classes in a day than I did, ever. Still, he seemed to always come to this class and we had a good time. He wrote in my yearbook how we had known each other so long and how I hadn't changed at all while he... well, he had. So it was crazy to be meeting back up again at age 30 in Berkeley. I really didn't know what to expect.

Turns out he's an undergrad, over the age where they can take parent income in to account when offering financial aid so he's barely paying anything, and he's lived enough of life already to know what he's totally and absolutely thrilled to be studying. He was so excited as he tried to explain the bacteria and cultures he studies in the lab he works in, it blew my mind! I heard more science than I had since high school. I'm so happy for him, and envious beyond words. He was so sure of what he was doing, even if he had just come from a German class where they thought he was translating incorrectly when he said "I am 30 years old."

We compared out situations. The good girl and the bad boy at age 30 working in retail and finally getting a bachelors... but which one of us is happiest? Hard to say for sure. But the circumstances we find ourselves in are incredible to compare. There were funny moments of silence. The situation of sitting there together just boggling our minds.

He had to get back to work and I had to run up the street to the store with the perfume (though I was too proud to admit this). I made it in the door of Herringbone with less than 10 minutes to shop. But I found exactly what I was looking for, sniffed a few scents, tried a few on and started chatting with the very cool girl working there. Now, when I'm working I despise people who come in the door right before I close. I know they won't leave on time, and more than half of them aren't going to buy anything anyway. This girl was so nice to me even though I was disgusting myself with my late arrival. She listened as I said I had read up on the brands and how perfume gives me headaches so I was really curious about Christopher Brosius. Usually when considering a perfume purchase I have to try it on and see how it "wears" on me and if it's going to give me a headache. I trusted that this one wasn't. Still, I couldn't imagine making such a large purchase in such a hurry. I started to excuse myself saying I hoped I'd be back in the neighborhood soon. I don't know if it came from being wound up by the mini-high school reunion I had just had or what, but I suddenly thought about it again and decided to just do it. I know you think I love to shop, but the truth is, I am embarrassingly cheap. So this was a huge accomplishment for me... being so frivolous. I purchased a bottle of Russian Caravan Tea, and I have to say, I smell delicious! I hope they get Mrs. Peel when that scent is released, but I'd really love to go see CB's studio/shop in Brooklyn someday.

I took my new little treasure back to the car (I'd parked across the street from the Berkeley Rep, not surprisingly one of the only places I could remember had a parking garage with reasonable enough rates) and eventually met up with CF who took BART over from the city. We walked back up the street to where I had just been shopping, I sure got my walking in for the day. We decided we were too hungry to wait in line for Cheeseboard Collective pizza slices so we settled on a charming little place called Gregoire. It's a tiny little building just off Shattuck, with an open kitchen, 3 or 4 bar type seats watching the action, and a u-shaped picnic table outside. We ordered a salad, an order of highly recommend potato puffs, and one order of lamp chops. As we sat outside the Berkeley residents walked past us in every direction. Many of them were stopping by for takeout. CF was enthralled with watching the food prep going on in the kitchen. I knew that was what he was going to love about this place! They does most of their business in takeout. So much so that they don't even have serving trays or baskets, our food was just handed to us in cardboard containers that weren't closed and bagged up. The salad was great, the potato puffs were these fried little scoops of buttery mashed potatoes rolled in salty bread crumbs (our lips dried out after eating these), and the lamb chops were wonderful. As I ate I saw the huge moon start to rise over the hill behind CF's shoulder. What a great dinner experience!

Even though we were already a bit cold we took the opportunity to try one of the several gelaterias I'd been hoping to get to in Berkeley. Gelateria Naia was close to where I had parked the car. I had a small cone of Cioccolat Mortale and Guiness flavors, so scrumptious together! CF sampled several others and had a nice little espresso to go with his dessert. We drove home very happy and content. We live in a wonderful place, we're very lucky.

We had a lot to do when we got home to get ready to go out of town for the weekend. We were up late and I worried about how little sleep I was going to get. I knew I wouldn't really exercise all weekend so I thought I should get one last spin class in or something. But I thought about how tired I felt already as I went to set my alarm clock, and I second guessed myself yet again, and gave myself permission to just get up in time to carpool to work and not go to 5:45am spin.

Smug continued...

Last Saturday was brilliant. I found myself without cash in hand or in my checking account so I thought the farmer's market wasn't going to happen for me. But I remembered these American Express gift cheques CF had been given at work and he had handed off to me for some reason that had been floating around in my bag ever since. A friendly banker inside the credit union helped me out and cashed them for me, $75 and a big day planned!

I hit the farmers' market a bit later than I meant to, decided to go straight to the gym, figuring the produce could take a little extra time in the car. While on the treadmill I realized I was really cutting in close with my plans to meet up with Mr. MP before my haircut. So I rushed home, had a quick shower and jump back in the car heading for the Millbrae BART station. It was only then that I remembered the precious goods in the trunk of my car! Drat! I decided to chance it and parked in the shady, somewhat refrigerated garage and if I had to toss a few things it would be OK (in the end everything survived!). I had to run a bit, my heavy Danskos making me regret my choice of footwear, especially after running, but I made one train earlier than I had hoped for! Score!

MP picked me up near the Embarcadero station and we headed over to brunch at Canteen, one of our favorites. Delicious! We thought we had an hour before my appointment so we decided to drive over to his favorite coffee place to buy beans for each of us to take home. The post-parade (St. Patrick's Day) traffic got the better of us though, I was going to be late. The salon understood and Thomas assured me everything was fine when I finally rushed in. I got a great haircut and left feeling like a million bucks. I needed a little afternoon pick-me-up and grabbed two fleur de sel caramel chocolates before heading back down to BART. When I went to pay the $3 for them I realized I was handing over the last of my cash (FM shopping, brunch, coffee beans, tip for Thomas, it all adds up), but I just loved that it was like surprise bonus money, the whole day was a gift! I got back to my car in Millbrae and all the food looked fine, I swung past Whole Foods for the very few other things I needed for the week. Whew! What a day! I must say, I've gotten very good at Saturdays lately.

Smug.

Today we got up and ate breakfast, got dressed, and scurried off to the San Mateo Farmer's Market. We've frequented the Belmont one on Sunday mornings (now year round!) but never had made it to the larger San Mateo market on Saturdays. Now, it didn't compare to dear old Davis but it was very impressive. CF cursed the fact that we had already had breakfast when he start spotting the bakeries (little did he know I had orchestrated it this way on purpose, duh). We rounded up some asparagus, apples (from Apple Hill, ahh, memories), yummy cheese, gorgeous eggplants and red peppers, had a sample of this and that, waited in line for a very impressive looking bakery stand, and CF got an second dose of espresso for the morning. We are going to eat good this week! We headed straight to Whole Foods from there and bought the few things remaining on our list after such a success (turkey bacon and eggs have yet to be offered at our FM).

We came home and unloaded all the goodies from our various reusable shopping bags, had a little bite of yogurt and granola, and then we hit the hill. I finally got to take CF to see the lovely view I had found weeks ago. And now that I wasn't alone we adventured down the sloping dirt path and finally found our way into this big park we had seen on Google Maps and had only sort of found part of once. Brilliant! We came out in the part of the park that we had actually found before and saw how we had missed the path, though it wasn't obvious at all. We trekked home from there, still a ways away. The first part of our walk was straight up the hill, the work out part of our walk, the second part was adventuring in the park, and the third part, was the endurance part. Just trying to get home! Now we've just lunched on delicious sandwiches made from the whole wheat rolls we got this morning from the bakery (they say to follow the crowds at FM's, and they are right). I am basically on cloud nine.

Yesterday I told LT of my intentions to run/jog now. I mentioned my concerns about the impact and my knees and bendy joints. She said to stick to the treadmill for now, which is just fine with me. I did my intervals just like Ms. SW's program suggested. It wasn't all glorious this time around, I found myself obsessing over my chubby cheeks bouncing up and down my face as I ran, and twice the stupid emergency stop button was triggered on my first treadmill. I moved over but my concentration was pretty much shot. Even so, this girl now comes with real jogging action!

Feeling pretty darn healthy, happy, and smug. Not bad for someone who has no idea what they're doing with their life, eh?

One of the me's you don't know.

Sometimes I feel like I lead several different lives. One of these lives is the me I am at the gym. I have never had a workout buddy so no one I know from other parts of my life really knows this part of me. Yesterday I got out of bed at 5:15 and put on gym clothes, went to a spin class, came home and left the house again with CF to carpool to work (and breakfast!) before I ever really woke up. Thinking back on the spin class later in the day it almost seemed like it was all a dream. And this is frequently the case with these classes. I like it much better than having to go to the gym at the end of the day, dreading it and just wanting to go home and put my feet up instead.

The gym is a little world of it's own. I'm guessing it's a lot like your gym, but what I mean is that people can have very different identities there than they do in the outside world. LT was telling me earlier today that she has a reputation for having a recognizable clientele. "What the heck does that mean?" I asked and she wouldn't really answer. I guess we're all a bit loud, a bit smart-mouthed. LT seems very serious when you first meet her but the sass comes out very quickly. I had to learn to hold my ground with her. One day she wanted me to do the squat machine that always, always, always makes little blood vessels in my shoulders red. I hate it. I whined to her, "Nooooo, please can I do that leg press instead? I like that one." "Don't you want your booty to look good?" "Noooo!" She was so surprised to hear any woman say that she caved and let me do my leg press. One day I tattled something silly she said to OT (no relation except they got certified together) and she was so mad at me she insisted I was going to do these single armed shoulder/lat pull downs until she got tired of watching me do them. "Well, you'll never get tired of looking at this!" I said as I pulled down the arm on her side and gave her the look that she always accuses of being "sultry." She threw her head back and laughed. Who says getting exercise isn't fun? She also told me once that people ask her what she has me do in the way of flexibility training. "Ummmm, nothing," she has to tell them. But apparently the other trainers like to tell people I've worked hard at becoming so bendy. Some people would kill to be as flexible as I seem to be destined to be all my life naturally. "You're the envy of the gym," she tells me. Me? The envy of meat-head central? Go figure!

And then there's the little part of me that's even more secret. But these are things about me that seem to be disappearing slowly, like the weight. I didn't used to have the guts to use the weight room, I still don't particularly like working out alone but it is something I have conquered. Basically since high school I have never changed in the dressing room part of the locker room. I do what I can to get dressed for the gym at home, and I always shower at home. If I was stuck getting changed into gym clothes there I did it in a stall of the restroom. I saw women of all shapes and sizes changing out in the dressing room but I still felt too gross to do so myself. Well, I did it quickly and there was hardly anyone even in the place but I conquered that fear as well last week. It's just stupid that something as simple as just using a dressing room like everyone else can remind me to appreciate how far I've come.

And just earlier today I accomplished something that I didn't think I'd ever really do. Now, I do spin classes, and go for long periods of time on the elliptical trainers, and walk up and down this crazy hill in my neighborhood. But I had not run since high school as well, not even a slow jog. I knew I was getting fitter and lighter but my knees are still a bit weak from years of carrying most of 300 pounds around. I didn't think I could... no, I didn't think I should run. I don't know where the urge came from but today I found myself cranking up the speed on my treadmill. I couldn't get away with a fast paced walking stance, and I found myself shifting into a runner's stance. This was at a speed that my husband could probably still walk with those long crazy legs of his, but there I was, basically jogging. I tried to ignore the awful feeling of my backside not enjoying the higher impact activity, and it was easy once I really looked myself in the mirror. I loved the sight, it made me want to keep going! Instead I slowed back down after one minute, and took two minutes of my usual pace before cranking it back up again. I didn't want to over do it. Again I did a minute like that and then slowed back down. But after not quite two minutes at the slower pace I realized that I had been in the gym for over an hour and a half and these were the last couple minutes of my workout. What was I holding back for? So I spent the last two and a half minutes jogging and I enjoyed every second of it. I take a lot of happiness from these small victories in life.

Do you appreciate your accomplishments? Will you conquer your fears? I know you can.

Okay... I think I'm ready now!

What do you mean the month is half over? My goodness, how the time does fly!

While our social calendar has been empty I've managed to dig myself out of the hole I was obviously in when I last posted. Coming back from the trip and diving straight into the holiday season was actually crazier than I ever managed to realize while in the middle of it. Recently I started to feel really proud and optimistic of how organized and on top of things I was, but then I realized it's just that I'm not miserably swamped and behind on everything!

Work is interesting, our manager is leaving at the end of the month, yes the one who started in July. I'm happy for her that she's moving into something more important to her personally, but I was left very worried about the time between when she leaves and when a replacement is hired. There's just two ladies who are taking classes to complete their degrees and me to open and close the store 7 days a week. I didn't see how that could possibly go well. Well, it's actually looking pretty good for me! Considering their class schedules I'm left opening the store more often than not, and that means carpooling with CF and getting to come in for fantastic breakfast before heading down to work. Also, they're available more on weekends, so I have almost every weekend day off, except for two Saturdays, one is our inventory day and one is our big wedding planning event, so of course I'm going to be there on those days! So that feels pretty darn good, I'll have a much more "normal" schedule than I've managed since the store opened. What is CF going to do with me around so much on the weekends?

For now things remain a little crazy at work, we're getting ready for inventory, the manager is leaving so her brain is sort of half way out the door, and this is all happening as letterpress orders pick up as we head into wedding planning season. Seeing as I'm the invitations coordinator and held a bit accountable for sales for this service it is very nice to see business picking up, but it can pull me in two directions at once sometimes. Yesterday I opened the store and knew I had to dive into a stack of letterpress and special order questions that had been waiting all weekend for answers from headquarters. But I also found an email explain the top priority was to get all winter clearance merchandise off the sales floor before opening. Ummm, how am I supposed to do that, alone, and in half an hour? So we weren't done before the store opened but I did the best I could and made the phone call requested in that email. KA answered the phone (she gave me the tour when we visited Chicago last September) and wondered why I was calling, I told her it was to give her the update she requested. Later I learned that only two area managers and myself had given their update, everyone else failed to check in. So I was totally on top of what needed to happen but I made our store look pretty good just by making that call. JE was my hero and spent most of her day packing up boxes of Christmas and making lists of the items going in each box, though at one point we ran out of boxes so we had to wait for the day's delivery to be made before we could continue packing. By the time I really got to dive into my stack of important questions everyone in Chicago had gone home for the day so those questions are waiting until I get back to work today. Ah, the pitfalls of urgent versus important!

It's going to be a long day, I just did my second morning in a row of what I call "butt early" spin. Yesterday was 5:30 and this morning was 6:00am. I went last Tuesday and Thursday as well. Tuesday was the first time I had been to a spin class since before we went to Europe! I thought I was going to be really, really hurting afterwards but I did all right. I didn't think I'd manage four classes in the first week after missing three months. But it feels great to be getting so much cardio done! Just wish me luck in staying awake late enough to close the store and drive home tonight!

CF and I took a trip to Expo last Saturday to look at bathroom stuff and now we're realizing how much work we have to do before we can remodel our lovely pink bathroom. I've started to work on some floor plans, but they often just frustrate me because we just don't have the room to do anything the way we'd really like it. I'm sure I'll have plenty more to say on this subject as we get further along in this project.

What else is going on? Well, I've decided to have a party on the afternoon/evening of the Oscars whether there's a ceremony or not. If there's no reason to turn on the TV that's fine, we'll play some Trivial Pursuit, CF will cook, and good friends will get together. Ain't nothing wrong with that. For our anniversary in March we are thinking of just going out for a casual but fun night in the city. We might hit up a fancy restaurant that weekend with D&V though like we did right around their anniversary six months earlier. I am totally enjoying working out with my new iPod Shuffle when I do cardio by myself, it's making me want to listen to more music. I need some new tunes to listen to. Any suggestions? If you're interested, at the end of this month I do believe two Broadway divas will be releasing pop records on the same day, Sarah Brightman (Christine from Phantom) and Idina Menzel (from Rent and Wicked) both think 1/29 is a good day to drop an album. I think I will be willing to check out both.

So! I never did make a list of New Year's resolutions, but I realized that not all of them were important and really it was a to-do list I was writing in my head. So while things like actually buying new gym clothes (my XXL t-shirts are a bit baggy), and getting more picture frames hung on our walls do seem like good ideas, I'm not going to rate my year based on my getting them done. My real resolution comes from my original chiropractor, who moved away suddenly last October. She used to tell me, "Be good to yourself." And it worked for so many occasions! Whether it was just trying to remember to eat right, or if it was me feeling guilty about not enjoying time around certain people in my life. She was telling me to not feel bad about what I ate yesterday, but remember what kind of food actually makes me feel good... all in four little words. And while I was confessing to not being the most patient and understanding person (shocking, I know!) she was telling me to stop beating myself up over it and to think about how those people make me feel anyway. I've carried this saying into other aspects of my life. I can't say I've got it down perfectly yet, but it is still January after all! Like after getting home later than expected last night because CF needed a little extra time at work, and I still watched a whole DVD like I had planned, even though that kept me up till 11 and I was getting up around 5 to go to the gym? That's not being too good to myself, that's what we call self-sabotaging. But at least I recognize it and will try to do better next time. That's the whole point, really. Do what is best/right for you but don't beat yourself up for mistakes, because that's not good for you either, just make sure to do better next time (and then do it!). So my resolution for 2008 is to be good to myself. There you have it.

Okay kids, I've got to head to work. I'm going to buy JE a little gift card at our cafe across the street for being such a badass yesterday when I needed so much help.